Wednesday, November 17, 2010

An Image of Longing

Mankind has an innate need to be needed. We want to be wanted. We were created in the image of our Father - so where did that longing originate? In Him. He needs to be needed and, therefore, so do we.

Wouldn't it have been infinitely less painful for everyone involved if He had just created us to adore Him, without the knowledge of there being any other options? Yes. Definitely. But is that real fellowship? Is it satisfying and does it really fill deep needs for companionship? Not really.

Fellowship is all about communion - sharing thoughts and emotions, having intimate communication. It's not something that can be done alone and it's not something that can be one-sided. It can't be forced. It involves making a choice to share yourself and give of yourself freely. What do you get in return? It depends. God made Himself vulnerable with the hope that we would choose Him. But, what if we don't? Rejection. Pain. More longing and emptiness, left to be filled.

Why in the world would He ever do that to Himself? It just doesn't make sense. He had the ability to guarantee His acceptance, and He didn't. Why? Because there's nothing better or more satisfying than the feeling of being needed. Of being wanted. Of being chosen.

Once I started considering God's feelings on a more personal and human plane, it has made me wonder how my actions have affected Him. Do my actions affect Him? Most definitely. Have I chosen Him? Absolutely. Is that enough to satiate His desire? Not even close. Is it possible to choose Him and not know Him? Yes. Being chosen is paramount, but it isn't enough.

If decisions aren't backed by action, then are they legitimate? Are they real? Possibly, but those decisions lose their power without support. To pay homage to a Christian pop song of my youth, they're like "a screen door on a submarine". They are there and they fill a void, but they aren't necessarily effective. What's more important to God? Knowing that I've made THE BIG DECISION to choose Him or my actions that show Him on a day-to-day and minute-by-minute basis what is most important in my life?

If I decide to be a Vegetarian but my actions don't consistently support my declaration of Who I Am, then am I really a Vegetarian? I imagine you see my point. In the end, I don't doubt who I am or the decisions I have made. I just wonder how much longing my actions have left my Father with. Have I satiated His desire? I'm sure I haven't. I haven't even come close. Being left wanting isn't fun. It hurts. It feels like rejection and that's not what I want my Abba, who poured out His life for me, to experience. Not on my account.

5 comments:

d'anne said...

I'm a stumbler too. Thanks for sharing your journey. I think too many of us don't understand fellowship and hand in hand with that, accountability. I am recovering from some deep hurt in my church, and I can relate, so pray for me and I'll pray for you! God Bless! d'anne
PS: I see you're a doula. I have a friend who also is, and she's involved with CAPPA. Do you know what that is?

MATHEUS said...

Hello! I'm Matthew and I'm from Brazil! a happy 2011!!

Hearing Aids said...

nice posting keep blogging,

Gone-ta-pott said...

I just stumbled in and what a wonderful post. I greatly enjoyed reading it. :)

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