Friday, July 17, 2009


This whole week, I've been completely overwhelmed. I am stretched. Thin. Just now, while searching for an image of a rubber band, I was thinking, "What happens when a rubber band is stretched?" The tension is eventually released, either because it flies away or because it breaks. I'd say that right now I'm just praying that I don't break, but that really sounds a bit dramatic. But, either way, I'm really just waiting for that release.

I'm not sure how it happens, but sometimes there's this phenomenal overload in which WAY more things land on your plate at once than you feel like you can handle. I definitely don't put myself in this situation on purpose, but sometimes it just happens. Life, I guess. Anyways, Zach and I were both feeling rather defeated and it caused me to really go through everything that's on my calendar/plate this month:

  • turning 30
  • refinancing our house
  • broken dryer
  • HUGE laundry backlog
  • a necessary trip to the MVD
  • a nightmare of a bookkeeping client
  • Quarterly Payroll Reports
  • Gross Receipts Tax Reports
  • selling an investment (finally!!!)
  • LOTS of battles to fight to get things done
  • hosting a new doula client for dinner
  • and, therefore, having to get my house cleaned
  • Caleb's 5th Birthday (how could that be?)
  • staging/decorating a home that's for sale (two more in the cue)
  • dentist appointment
  • meetings and dinners
  • and the grand finale, a wedding that will truly be THE event of the season!
Okay. Listing it out didn't really make me feel any better, but that's only because I was already fully aware of everything that's going on right now. No surprises. But, I think it was necessary, if only to justify the basketcase-edness that I've been experiencing for the last several weeks. Surely a list like that would inarguable justify a few breakdowns and fits of tears, right? Wow, I sound whiny right now. This is not to say that any particular thing that is happening is bad. Compared to the trials that some people are experiencing, this is actually an overload of good things, and for that I am truly thankful. I just have to keep reminding myself of that in the midst of the day-to-day battle of getting it all done.

I think the only real struggle is that I haven't been able to sleep. Those of you who know me well know that I need sleep. Like 9 hours. Every night. As you can see by the time-stamp, though, I'm posting in the wee hours. This is my 4th night in a row of not-enough sleep, like 4 to 6 hours. Once or twice is fine, but this is getting to be a large enough deficit for my taste, thank-you-very-much. I thought I'd finally be able to sleep tonight because we closed on the sale of our investment house this evening - a HUGE answer to prayer. Nevertheless, there's still so much on my mind that here I sit in the pitch black, wide awake. I think insomnia is probably worse than Chinese water torture, although I can't say that from any real, first-hand experience. But, it seems like a reasonable comparison. So, pleeeaase pray that I can get some sleep!

Okay. Enough for now. Thank you for letting me indulge in a pity party. I don't know that it really accomplished anything. They rarely do. But, sitting here typing is definitely better than laying in bed and NOT sleeping. I guess I'll go try (more) soft music, (more) prayer and (more) reading. And probably a good dose of Tylenol. This not-sleeping business leaves me with a headache!


PS - I've already received a HUGE amount of help in getting things done. Zach, Mom, Dad, Jennie... Thank you SO much for bailing me out. I really needed it and, honestly, couldn't do it without you.

The Weekend in Words

What a wonderful weekend we had last week! Definitely the stuff good memories are made of, and yet, here it is almost a full week later, and I still haven't had the chance to blog about the incredible times we had. (More on "the busy-ness" later.) Anyways, the only thing that could possibly have made it better was if Zach had been able to join in the festivities. Unfortunately he was busy working on various projects throughout the weekend. Such is life these days. But, nonetheless, it really was a fabulous weekend. Every time I think of all we did and saw, it scrolls through my mind in a series of words and images. I'll have to post some of the pictures later, but for now, the words:

water park, fun in the sun, freedom from fear, shrieks of laughter, lots and lots of sunscreen, soggy boys, soggy mommy, soggy Auntie and Uncle, picnic with a super-special Birthday Lady, boys conked out in their car seats, driving through Corrales for the-fun-of-it, dinner with family, riding bikes, time with good friends, lots of babies in tow, morning walk, country fun, grower's market, soft pretzels, artisans, first sno cone, first bus ride, Caleb's head peeking out the window, Caleb's laughter, "Now this is what I call HIGH SPEED!", lavendar fields, glorious lilly pond, beautiful gardens, new discoveries, craftsmanship, pomegranate tree, fig tree, roaming peacocks, albino peacock, artichoke blossoms, found a peacock feather, lost a peacock feather, (bummed about the peacock feather), bamboo tunnel, dirty boys, farm animals, "moooooo", pizza with friends, watermelon juice dripping from a chubby chin, more gardens, found TWO peacock feathers, boys conked out in their car seats (again), dinner with hubby...

Like I said, wonderful.

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Happy Birthday, to me!

This is it. Tomorrow is the big 3-0. Really, in my mind, it's the first real milestone birthday where the aging issue actually comes into play. Turning 20? At that point you're almost to 21 and to adulthood. You're too busy having fun to care one way or another. Turning 30, though, is a whole different can of worms.

And what, you may ask, are my thoughts on turning 30? Who cares? The older the better, I say! Every passing year has been full of more joy, more life and more love. So why would I worry about getting older? Bring it on! (Although I do reserve the right to change my answer once gravity starts to kick in, once I start finding gray hairs and once my skin is pruney even before a good soak.)

As for my thoughts about this birthday thing and life-in-general right now, they were summed up perfectly by a super-dear friend that sent this card to me in the mail today. Are you ready?

Wait for it...

Wait for it...

Ha! Really, I couldn't have said it better. I love, LOVE, looove my boys (all three of them), but I'm definitely ready for a break from the little two. The 24/7 nature of mommy-hood is starting to wear me down. But, I'm fixing to get a break. My sweet hubby picked up on the fact that my frazzled nerves are wearing thin and is sending me out for the afternoon. (I wonder what it was that tipped him off? The bleary, blood-shot eyes? Or maybe it's the way I've taken to screaming "What do you want from me?" every time someone says my name?)

Out to do what? I don't know. He said, "Whatever the heck it is that you girls do."

Buy another pair of brown sandals because the 3 pairs that are already in the closet aren't quite right? Rip the hair out of our bodies with hot wax for the fun of it? Smear goo on our faces to make us feel more youthful and vibrant? (Now that I put it that way, is sounds like we're a pretty weird lot. No wonder guys don't get us. But, I wouldn't have it any other way. Thank God for my two Xs!!!)

So, anyways. I'm set to escape for the afternoon. Zach even told me that I don't have to come home until after the two monsters are tucked into bed. Yippieee! Whatever will I do with myself? I'm thinking I might try a hot yoga class. I've always been curious. (Mostly about whether or not I'd pass out before the class was through.) No telling where the day will take me! I'll fill you in later. For now I've got some time to spend doing whatever the heck I want, followed by at least 2 solid days of birthday celebration, so I'd better get to it!

PS - Chris, the angels might sing on your birthday, but have you ever had parades and fireworks in your honor? Those are for me, right?

PS#2 - Zach, thank you SO much for the incredible man, husband and father that you are. I'm blessed to have you! Thank you for understanding my need to disappear for a while. You're amazing and I'm so blessed that you're mine!

Wednesday, July 1, 2009


Have you ever felt like you've got so many balls up in the air that at any given moment everything will just go flying off into different directions? That you're responsible for this ever-expanding, filmy-thin bubble that, with one wrong turn, is going to pop? Do you ever feel like you just want to throw your hands up in the air with abandon, let everything fall where it may, scream "to hell with it all" and race off into the sunset? (Of course you'd still have to take your family into the sunset with you, because what good would life be without them anyways? But still. I'm sure you get my point.)

I'm almost there.

Sometimes when people are pressed they'll say, "If it's not one thing, it's another." What if it's five others? Or six? Or seven?

The other thing I often hear people say is, "God doesn't give us any more than we can handle."

Bull. I've never liked that sentiment. It pretty clearly sends the message that all this "stuff" is from God. The God I know and love gives life and gives it abundantly. When things start pressing in and smothering, it sure doesn't feel like God to me. I don't think this is how He meant for life to feel.

In the face of challenge, there's only one thing I've ever heard that feels like life to me.

I Am.

It's probably the shortest complete sentence ever, but, Oh! How complete it is! In our mode of do-it-all and be-it-all, it'd be tempting to want to complete the sentence with something, anything. But, that's beside the point. I think He left it open-ended on purpose. That's the only way it can really be complete.

I Am.

Your place of refuge. Your provider. Your ever-present help in time of need. The beginning. The end. Your shepherd. The one who calms storms with His word. The one who brings life with His word. The way. The truth. The life.

It's amazing just how much can be communicated with two little words, if you believe them.

Everything that I need, the solution to every trial, is found in Him.

By Jesus' own example, when the crowds started to press in on Him, He left. So why can't/won't we do the same? What's the difference? His obligations and commitments were so much more important than ours. If He was able to drop everything and retreat to a place of rest, in His Father's presence, then why can't I? Why is it that meeting with my clients, doing my work, organizing a birthday party, cleaning my house (etc.) are all so pressing that they can't be put off? And, really, that's beside the point. Because who am I to worry about all my "to do-s" when there are so many others just longing to find shelter from the wind and the cold, or wondering when they will eat again? Why is it that my truly trivial worries seem so all-consuming?

Priorities, I guess. I don't want to acknowledge that, though, because if that's the case, then mine are most certainly out of whack. I think that a serious reality check is in order, followed by a very thorough dose of I Am.