Love is a Verb

In the wee hours of last night, during a night-time feeding, while my arms cradled sweet Nathan, my brain was busy with the following thought:

Love is a verb.

Yes, I know it can also be a noun. But, love as a verb...now, that's something to think about. A verb typically expresses action, state, or relation between two things. Paramount, in my mind, is the fact that a verb requires action. When we think about God being love, we usually think of Him in the noun form. He, she, it...a noun. But, God's character and nature are revealed most clearly in His expression - in the action He took to pour love out (Himself out) upon and for His creation.

So, when we are commanded to "Love one another..." it suddenly isn't enough to 'be in a state of having loving feelings towards others'. I know that's typically my response, especially towards the not-so-lovely. Isn't it enough that I be polite and kind? After all, if I'm not acting out in hate, then doesn't that mean that, by default, I'm walking in love? I don't think so. We are commanded to LOVE. What does our response look like? Assuming our obedience to God's direction for our lives, if we were commanded to run, there would be a real, measurable response to that command. Is it the same with the command to love? Is our response quantifiable? Is it enough?

God's action of love looked like blood spilled out for people who couldn't have cared less. It looked like ultimate sacrifice. What does my love look like? Pretty pale, luke-warm and watered down in comparison to the example that God has set for us.

Blogging Blahs

I'd apologize for my lack of posting, but...I'm not gonna. Yes, I've been busy, but not really any busier than any other time in life. Truth is, I just haven't felt like blogging.

Lately, Zach and I have both been marveling at (and lamenting) this phenomena that has slowly but surely developed over the last several years - a consuming absorption with "self". Texting, tweeting, facebook-ing, blogging... All means of sharing your information and your life, but without any real obligation to truly connect or to participate in any sort of meaningful dialog. Of course you can choose to connect, but it's still somewhat superficial and on your terms - only with the people you deem worthy and worthwhile. Where's the reaching out? Where's the relationship? Where's the "us" and the "we"?

Of course, I'm just as guilty as the next. I blog. I have a facebook page - although I really hate logging on and do it as in-frequently as possible. Why do I hate logging on? Because I don't want to chat. I want to talk to people when it's convenient for me, not when they catch me. Just another example of the all important "self". What am I going to do to change this truly yucky behavior that I find in myself? I'm not sure. But, something needs to be done.

What about you? What do you think?

We Are Living in a Technological World & I Am a Textile Girl

(In case you missed it, the title is supposed to be sung to the tune of Madonna's Material Girl. So, go ahead...sing it!)

I just counted and I am heading into my 9th tax season (or busy season, as they/we refer to it in the biz). It makes me feel old. Although, when I think about it, it's really not that big a number. It's just that the preparation methods and procedures have changed so drastically since I started. I feel like an old dog and I don't want to learn any new tricks, thank-you-very-much. I wish technology would just leave the profession well enough alone and go pick on someone else. It makes me wonder how the guys that have been doing this 20, 30 and 40 years feel. Yikes.

I know my resistance to the change is because I'm a highly hands-on kind of girl. I like feeling the papers, sorting the papers, putting them in order, making my marks on them. But no more. Now it's all paperless. (Although, for the record, I think we use almost as much as before.) Scanned documents, pdf files, software that scans documents and puts the information in the return all by itself. The only problem is that it can't do it right and never will. There are always mistakes. So, rather than preparing taxes I'm babysitting a software package - just following it around and cleaning up its messes. How is that making things any more efficient or effective? Plus, it feels like all the processes take so much stinkin' longer than they used to that what we save in paper (or whatever) is eaten up just as quickly by what we lose in time. Maybe. Who knows. All I know is that it feels cumbersome. It feels disconnected and remote and I don't like it.

Bucket List, Revisited

In March 2008, I started a list of things I'd like to accomplish, but I didn't give myself any sort of timeline. Here we are, two years later, and some of them are done, others are still in the cue. I figure it's time to review the list. Revise. Revamp. Revisit the list - see where I've been and have yet to go...

1. Finish my book on Christian childbirth and have it published. Not done yet. Not even close, to be honest. I have been able to hone in a little better on my specific objectives and how I'd like to get there. This one, though, is going to take some time. I'm hoping I can work on it more and more once the boys don't need quite so much of my attention.

2. Get my nose pierced. Been there, done that! It was fun while it lasted, but it didn't last long. Through no fault of my own, it never quite healed right and Zach finally admitted that it got in the way anyways. Oh well. I guess there'll be no long-term nose ring for me. (That's okay!)

3. Have a daughter. (Or, if another amazing boy is in my future, be the darn coolest Auntie a little girl could ever have!) Or, as it turns out, another son. I guess I'll have to start shifting gears into awesome-Auntie mode. In the mean time, it couldn't hurt to learn how to make farting noises with my underarms, how to whistle super loud (preferably w/o fingers in the mouth) and how to burp my ABC's. After all, these skills could come in pretty handy in my quest to become a super-cool-mom-to-three-boys.

4. Learn to really like eating broccoli. (I've already taught myself to like bananas and tomatoes!) Broccoli is still nowhere near being classified as a favorite, but I think I'm close enough that I can call this one done. Besides, I'd better like it, because we're going to have to start having it several times a week, as it's one of the few veggies the boys will actually eat w/o major coaxing. What a weird veggie for them to choose, I think!

5. Become a licensed childbirth educator. This is most definitely going to stay on the list. As with other things, though, it's just going to have to wait until I have more time. Sigh...

6. Learn how to dance. I know my precious Hubby will be game for this, I just need to find a class and sign us up. It might be a challenge keeping up with him, though, that guy can really move! (And usually with significantly more grace and style than I can, darn it.)

7. Learn how to make all sorts of amazing ethnic (especially Asian and Indian) foods. I've definitely expanded my repertoire, but wouldn't call this done. But I can made a mean chicken curry! Mmm...

8. Travel. This one definitely isn't finished or even really started, for that matter. In the last two years, I think Zach and I have managed one camping trip and one weekend run to Durango. I don't think those are going to count. I'm a bit sad and embarrassed to admit that it's getting close to being a decade since I've even stepped foot on a plane. Sigh. When I say travel, I mean travel. Like get-a-passport, travel. That'll have to wait for sure. In the mean time, maybe a REAL vacation to some state other than one immediately neighboring? Sounds good to me!

9. Do something really brave...something that takes a lot of courage. On our trip to Durango, I went mountain bike riding with Zach for the first (and so far only) time. Most people wouldn't call this adventurous or necessitating bravery. For me, though, it was HUGE. I was honestly petrified the entire time. I think that took some courage, thank-you-very-much.

10. Learn how to swim. (That's right, folks. I can float, but definitely not with any style or finesse.) Still undone. And, while I'm at it, I should probably add swimming lessons for the boys, too. Lord knows I don't want them to suffer the same water-phobic fate as their Momma!

11. Get into shape so that I can run more than one mile at a time. Did it, but now that I'm pregnant I'll have to do it all over again. Last summer I could run several miles pretty comfortably. Not fast, mind you, but who cares? So, I think I'll up this goal to actually running in a 5k sometime. If I'm really ambitious maybe I could shoot for the Duke City in October 2010? After that, maybe I could try a half marathon some day? I think it'd be fun. We'll see...

12. Have my hair cut really, really short. (I've done really short before, but never SUPER short. I'm going to have to give it a try, or else I'll always wonder...) Done! It grows so fast that it's longish again now, but I did it! Practically a buzz cut! I definitely won't go there again, a bit too masculine for my taste. But I will always love a good, short 'do. There's something that feels SO amazing about lying your head down on your pillow at night and not having hair wrapped around your face. And the wash-'n-go aspect...who could ask for more?

Recap: 6 out of 12 done in almost two years? I have to admit I'm not super satisfied with a 50% rate of accomplishment. In other areas of life, this would definitely not be acceptable. All things considered, though, (having babies, raising kids, working a number of odd jobs) I think I'm okay with this. One of the best things I've found about getting older is becoming a bit more realistic in my expectations.

So, now that I've managed to cross a few things off, I'd like to add some new To Do's to my list. I'm going to have to think on it for a while. Any suggestions?

What am I doing?

I always look forward to new things. New years, new adventures, new beginnings. A time to start fresh. This year I've felt a little funny about resolutions, though. I haven't made any, because it feels a bit pointless. The usuals just don't apply this year.

1. Lose weight. I've actually thought about this one. I could set a pretty lofty goal. Say 30 pounds. It's not like I have to lose it right NOW. As long as I accomplish it by the end of the year then I can consider it a success, right? So who cares if I drop about 20 of those pounds within the span of a few days!

2. Eat better. This one is always good and it definitely does apply, especially while pregnant. However, I think I'm just a little too much of a realist to take it seriously right now. I'm a crazy-busy mom of 2.6 kids (I figure 24 weeks out of 40 is about 60% or a kid, right?) and I'm fixing to start tax season. If I don't have time to do any better than a drive through burger, that's what it's going to be. Thankfully, Owen is living proof that beautiful babies can be grown despite the occasional (or not so occasional, if I'm really honest) corn dog.

3. Get more exercise. Considering the fact that lately it feels like my poor body has got it's work cut out for it just managing to not fall completely apart during this pregnancy, I really don't think I'm going to push it. I'm just going to start picturing dumbbells in my hands every time I heave Owen in and out of the car, the crib, etc. (Don't get me wrong, though, the second I can find my feet again and actually reach them well enough to get my running shoes tied, this girl's hitting the pavement!)

Just because I haven't been able to officially "resolve" to do anything new, though, that doesn't mean my behavior hasn't changed in the last week. I'm definitely going through a phase, but I haven't decided if it's nesting or purging. It's really too darn early to be doing the stereotypical "nesting" that mommies do while preparing for the arrival of a new baby. But, I'm really not fond of the word "purging". It makes me want to, well, purge. (Excuse me.)

So, as I continue to empty closets and reorganize drawers in the name of order and tidiness, I think I'll focus on the nesting part. After all, I just love a good nest!


nest –noun
1. a pocketlike, usually more or less circular structure of twigs, grass, mud, etc., formed by a bird, often high in a tree, as a place in which to lay and incubate its eggs and rear its young; any protected place used by a bird for these purposes.
2. a place used by insects, fishes, turtles, rabbits, etc., for depositing their eggs or young.
3. a number of birds, insects, animals, etc., inhabiting one such place.
4. a snug retreat or refuge; resting place; home.
5. an assemblage of things lying or set close together, as a series of boxes or trays, that fit within each other: a nest of tables.

Could you sleep?

As is usual during the holiday season, our mailbox has been inundated with catalogs. I rarely bother to look, because I'd rather skip most of that aspect of the season. When Patagonia came, though, I couldn't help but flip through because theirs is usually pretty interesting.

This picture was my favorite:


I think Zach is crazy for enjoying rock climbing as much as he does. Pulled muscles, injured tendons, major blisters, stiff joints, callouses on top of callouses... Not my idea of fun, but he loves it. Thankfully, though, he was sane enough to agree that those guys are completely out of their minds!

Things I Love: Z

1. Zach!