Best. Day. Ever.

Okay. Maybe not ever, but still. Today was one for the remembering.

I'm sure that a huge contributing factor to today's greatness is the simple fact that tax season is so close to being over that I can seriously feel the weight lifting from my shoulders. No more staying up until the wee hours of the morning trying to figure out how the heck to get the new tax software to do what I want it to do. No more watching my hubby go to bed by himself. No more telling the boys, "No. We can't today. Mommy has to work." Aagh... It's almost over, and it feels GREAT!

I did go to work for a few hours today, but it was just to pitch in and help in the office's last-ditch-effort of preparing extensions. BUT, before that I lazed in bed with my hubby. I took a long, relaxing shower. I actually did my hair and makeup, rather than wadding my hair up into a ponytail and re-touching the "yesterday's makeup is good enough" look that I've been sporting for the last two months. (It has NOT been pretty.) I gave myself a manicure AND pedicure. I played with my little guys.

While I was at work, Zach surprised me by washing my car for me. It needed it desperately and now it looks so pretty! After work, I went to Caleb's soccer game. The weather was beautiful and it was so nice to spend an hour outside in the fresh air and sunshine. (They got slaughtered by the other team, whose star player handled the ball like a teenager, but Caleb played really well so it was still fun to watch and cheer.) Then, Nathan and I went to Sunflower Market where I got to take my time and leisurely peruse the aisles and purchase groceries for legitimate meals that I will actually get to cook in the upcoming week...falafel and taboule, chicken sausage and kale, spring rolls, salads, chicken curry with coconut rice... Aaaghhh! Zach and I have both gotten so tired of eating sandwiches and carryout that we were almost ready to give up eating altogether. (Almost.)

After I got home, I made spring rolls with Zach. After a few years of random attempts at finding a good recipe, I think I finally came up with a winner...all on my own! I took a picture of Owen, while he snuck an almost-empty carton of ice cream off the kitchen counter and drank the soupy remains. I snuggled with Caleb while he read a book to me that he wrote and illustrated all by himself. The boys are all fed and cleaned. The big two went to bed without a hitch - that's a BIG deal! I took some extra time to cuddle with Nathan before I put him to bed - although our time what still cut short when I heard Owen yelling, "MOM!!! Can you come wipe my butt?"

Now I'm about to have spring rolls and sushi with my hubby while we watch Tron and snuggle on the couch. I'm going to wash it down with a new beer that Zach thinks I'll really like - hopefully ending my quest of finding a beer that is a happy medium between syrupy sweet girly beer and icky after-taste REAL beer. I have high hopes. Then, I'm going to go to bed at a decent hour, well before the ridiculously late night/early morning bedtimes that I've been maintaining for the last few months.

It's been GLORIOUS! What an incredible, wonderful day to be alive!

Occupation: Homemaker

Tax season is in full swing and I'm up to my eyeballs in work, so I really shouldn't be posting. I just don't have time. Our house is a wreck and there is way too much laundry waiting to be done. If I am going to steal a few minutes away from the piles of files it really should be to do something other than post, but oh well. I had this thought yesterday (while preparing returns) that started simmering and I just have to get it out of my system.

You may or may not have noticed, but on the second page of Form 1040 that practically everyone has to file every year, there's a line next to where you sign that is designated for your occupation. So far this year, I've prepared returns for 100+ people and the occupations have ranged anywhere from Physician to Automotive Technician and from Teacher to Chief Operating Officer. They run the gamut. But, out of all those returns there have only been about two people who have chosen to list Homemaker as their occupation. Out of that entire handful of people, do I really think that only two were Homemakers? No way. Why? Because I'm technically a Homemaker, too. But is that what I list on my tax return? No way. After all, I have a college degree. I prepare taxes, do bookkeeping, stage houses for real estate professionals, attend births as a certified doula, etc, etc. I truly am a Jill of All Trades. (And probably a master of none, as well, but we won't go there.) The actual amount of time I spend doing all of those things as compared to the amount of time I spend doing at-home-mom things, though, is not even close to equal. The bulk of my time is spent shuttling our boys, shopping for groceries, chasing our boys, preparing meals, cleaning up after meals, entertaining our boys, picking up the house, picking up the house (it was no mistake that was listed twice), doing laundry, etc, etc. So, why does my tax return say Accountant beside my name? Because Homemaker feels insignificant. It feels unaccomplished and ordinary. Anyone could be a Homemaker. When I picture a Homemaker, it's someone like June Cleaver - whose be all and end all in life is to maintain a spotless house day in and day out, have dinner on the table at 5:30 on the dot and do it all while wearing a dress, heels and lipstick. That's just not me. It's not what fulfills me.

But then, yesterday, I realized there's a difference. According to Webster, a house is a building, a residence, a place of shelter. The kinds of things that I associated with being a Homemaker have more to do with keeping-a-house. Being a Housekeeper. That is something I most definitely don't want to do.

But a home? That's different. A home is the place in which one's domestic affections are centered. A dwelling place or retreat. To me, that difference is significant. It's a big deal. And, here's the key - NOT EVERY HOUSE IS A HOME.

If I can be the driving force responsible for creating a haven and refuge for the ones I love most in this world, then there's nothing I want more. So, I think I'm going to change my return. This year, it'll read Sarah Taylor: Homemaker. (And proud of it!)

My One And Only

I was reading a blog earlier today that included an interview with a woman who had married her high school sweetheart. (I did, too.) They met as teens, dated through college and married as young adults. (I did, too.)

One of the questions posed to this woman was whether or not she felt that she had missed out on any "fundamental and valuable life experiences" by not dating lots of people.

Zach is actually the only one I ever dated, ever kissed, etc. Did I miss out?

No!

I may have only experienced the first-kiss insanity once and the getting-to-know you butterflies once, but who cares?!? I have enjoyed the pleasure of something very few others will ever get to experience - the incredible freedom and joy that comes from being WITH and FOR only one person, ever. And that, my friends, is far better than any first kiss.

I love you, Sweet Husband, and I'm so glad to be yours.

A Long Time In Coming

Dear Blog,

Yipes! It feels as if I've been away for a week or two, but here it is already more than two months since I last stopped by to chat! What can I say? I've been busy. I've been lazy. I've neglected you and I'm sorry. I'd like to be able to honestly say that the neglect won't happen again, but it probably will, so I won't make any promises I can't keep. I'll just do the best I can to keep you updated more frequently. So much time has passed since our last visit, I hardly know where to begin.

I got a new car! We traded my very tired Jeep in for a Yukon. It's the newest, nicest car I've ever had and I love it, especially the heated seats! It's pretty, runs well and the boys have more space, so I don't have to hear any more complaints of "So-and-so is breathing my air!" It's fabulous.

We had a lovely Thanksgiving. Actually, TWO lovely Thanksgivings. The first was truly a first - on Thanksgiving day we hosted, for the first time, at our house. We had Zach's parents, his granddad and my brother over to join us and it was wonderful! Good food (albeit an hour late since the darn turkey decided not to cook as quickly as it was supposed to) and great company - an all around success! The second was at my parents' house with my family and, again, SO nice. I think Thanksgiving is quickly becoming my favorite holiday - quality time with my family and so much yummy food, two of my favorite things in the whole wide world!

In mid-December, Zach got to go to DC for a week to attend a ceremony during which the company he works for received an award. A week in DC on someone else's dime! Woo hoo! He walked about 40 miles while he was there, took hundreds of photos, saw amazing sites and had a great time! I was SO tempted to stuff myself into his suitcase, but that's an awfully long flight to be confined to the shape and size of a Samsonite. Maybe next time.

Christmas came and went with the usual blur of activity. This one was a little more memorable than most, since it was Nathan's first. He had a great time pulling on bows and trying to eat tissue paper. It was truly a blessed and joyous occasion for us all!

Zach's parents had us over for a fondue party to ring in the new year. It was fabulous! (And Owen loved it, too. I've never seen the kid eat so much!) It really was a great evening with lots of fun company. And the food? Oh, SO yummy! I ate so much that the fondue binge was just one of the many contributing factors to...

...trying the Carb Nite diet with Zach. We're in our third week and we're going strong! We've actually been eating really good food and we get to go on a carb blow-out once a week, so we're not minding too much. The extra holiday pounds are slowly but surely coming off. So far so good!

That's definitely not everything, but a good gist of our goings-on for the last little while. As usual, I've got other things that I should be doing (folding laundry, doing dishes...ugh!), so I had better hop to it. I hope to talk to you again sooner, rather than later.

Lots of love,

Sarah

PS - While re-reading and editing, I couldn't help but notice how many times I mentioned food (and/or my love of food) in this brief, little note. Yikes! It's almost embarrassing. But, anywho. In keeping with the theme and giving you something to think about, here's a bit of FOOD FOR THOUGHT (Ha! That was on purpose. I just can't help myself sometimes!):

Luciano Pavarotti once said, "One of the very nicest things about life

is the way we must regularly stop whatever it is we are doing

and devote our attention to eating."

I do agree; it is one of the nicest things in life. But, what else do you (and I) take time for regularly and purposefully to do each day? What does it say about ourselves and the lives we lead? Does the time you spend say what you want it to say about who you are and what is important to you? Chew on that.

An Image of Longing

Mankind has an innate need to be needed. We want to be wanted. We were created in the image of our Father - so where did that longing originate? In Him. He needs to be needed and, therefore, so do we.

Wouldn't it have been infinitely less painful for everyone involved if He had just created us to adore Him, without the knowledge of there being any other options? Yes. Definitely. But is that real fellowship? Is it satisfying and does it really fill deep needs for companionship? Not really.

Fellowship is all about communion - sharing thoughts and emotions, having intimate communication. It's not something that can be done alone and it's not something that can be one-sided. It can't be forced. It involves making a choice to share yourself and give of yourself freely. What do you get in return? It depends. God made Himself vulnerable with the hope that we would choose Him. But, what if we don't? Rejection. Pain. More longing and emptiness, left to be filled.

Why in the world would He ever do that to Himself? It just doesn't make sense. He had the ability to guarantee His acceptance, and He didn't. Why? Because there's nothing better or more satisfying than the feeling of being needed. Of being wanted. Of being chosen.

Once I started considering God's feelings on a more personal and human plane, it has made me wonder how my actions have affected Him. Do my actions affect Him? Most definitely. Have I chosen Him? Absolutely. Is that enough to satiate His desire? Not even close. Is it possible to choose Him and not know Him? Yes. Being chosen is paramount, but it isn't enough.

If decisions aren't backed by action, then are they legitimate? Are they real? Possibly, but those decisions lose their power without support. To pay homage to a Christian pop song of my youth, they're like "a screen door on a submarine". They are there and they fill a void, but they aren't necessarily effective. What's more important to God? Knowing that I've made THE BIG DECISION to choose Him or my actions that show Him on a day-to-day and minute-by-minute basis what is most important in my life?

If I decide to be a Vegetarian but my actions don't consistently support my declaration of Who I Am, then am I really a Vegetarian? I imagine you see my point. In the end, I don't doubt who I am or the decisions I have made. I just wonder how much longing my actions have left my Father with. Have I satiated His desire? I'm sure I haven't. I haven't even come close. Being left wanting isn't fun. It hurts. It feels like rejection and that's not what I want my Abba, who poured out His life for me, to experience. Not on my account.

A heartening response!

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Sarah, Chris, Mary, Sid... Thank you guys all SO much for the encouraging response and for letting me know that I'm not alone in my "funk". Or, actually, on second thought I really don't think we're in a funk. I think we're just AWARE of the funk that's going on - and wanting to do something about it! I'm glad to be in such good company!

So...as an attempt to DO something about it, wanna come over and play? It's officially too cold to do anything outside and that's fine by me. I'd rather cuddle up to a bowl of something warm and break out the board games! It's last minute, but everyone is MORE than welcome to come over to our house tomorrow evening to hang out and have some food, fun and FELLOWSHIP! I'll make a huge pot of potato soup and some homemade bread. (Not very carb friendly. I know. I'm sorry.) If you want to bring something then do, but if not then don't! If you want to bring a favorite game, then please do! If the gas for an extra trip into ABQ is a concern, then please don't be shy - say so and come anyways! I would rather scrape together the $5 for you to get here and have your company than to go without. So, please come!

From 5ish until whenever? Sound good? (It sounds great to me!)

Lots and lots of love,

Sarah

Watch out.

Here it comes. I feel a pretty major rant coming on, and it might get ugly.

I'm tired. Sick and tired, of people. It doesn't feel like a very Christ-like place to be, but it's exactly where I'm at right now.

This morning when I was dropping Caleb off at school, a woman honked and SCREAMED at me and almost hit my car with hers because, apparently, I must have parked in a spot where I wasn't supposed to be. The funny thing is, probably 3 days out of every week so far, this same woman has pulled into the school right behind me to do the very same thing in the very same spot - we stop. The kid(s) get out of the car. We go. It takes all of 30 seconds, seriously. But, for some reason, today she felt that she needed to come unhinged - at me. Maybe her panties were in a wad. I don't know, but there was no reason to be rude.

This incident wasn't the beginning of the "funk" that I'm feeling, though. A few weeks ago, the pastor at our church delivered a pretty compelling message about being discontent with God. The premise was that it is good and even healthy to want more from God. You really aren't discontent with God, who He is, or what He's done in your life, you're just wanting MORE of Him. Since He's made Himself completely available to us, it really has more to do with us focusing less on ourselves and more and more on Him.

Discontent with God. It's a pretty fascinating idea. Lately, though, I've really been experiencing some serious discontent with God's people.

Zach and I were talking about it the other day and we both felt the same thing. It's as if we're in (or entering into) an era that we just don't want to be a part. Everyone is too busy. Too consumed with their lives and themselves to even notice what they're missing - true fellowship and intimacy with others. There's a whole "army of one" and "looking out for number one" mentality that is taking over - for the worse.

People used to BE together. It's making me feel old, but I'm already spending more and more time pining for the way things were "when I was young". Everything has changed so much, just in the last 20 years, that it frightens me to think of what things might look like in another 20. For instance, when I was a kid, not celebrating Halloween really wasn't a big deal because there was such an amazing harvest party at church - Hallelujah Night! There was a different theme every year, all the families in the church were involved, the kids dressed up in homemade costumes that they'd put lots of thought and time into, there was a costume contest, cake walks, etc. It was SO much fun!

Now, it should be time for my sons to get to experience the same thing, but they can't. The children's ministers at church have continued to plan the event each year, but fewer and fewer kids come each year. The few kids that would come would wear whatever store-bought costume they wanted to, regardless of the theme. A cake walk? It wouldn't even be worth organizing, because I bet half of the people would bring whatever they could find at Smiths on their way to the church. It's gotten to the point that the church can't even have this celebration any more, because there's just no involvement. Where is everyone? What's happened?

It's not just this harvest celebration. We used to spend New Years Eve together. We would have a huge chili cook-off, play games together and spend the holiday together. Every summer, we used to haul the whole church to a picnic spot in the woods and have a huge cookout and spend the day together. We used to have amazing end-of-the-year parties with all the school kids and their families. It was fun.

You're probably thinking that it sounds like a ton of work and that we've just gotten smarter by simplifying. Smarter? No. Less connected? Yes. The truth is, if everyone was involved and took part, it'd be a breeze to do things together. But, like I said, everyone is so completely consumed with themselves and what they have going that no one can or will be a part. The only time people are willing to do things is when it fits neatly and conveniently into their schedules.

It stinks. It's wrong. It's not what we were created for. We were made to fellowship. In this age of on-my-terms communication and get-togethers, we just aren't connecting. It makes me sad. It makes me angry that my boys are missing out. They don't even realize it - that there's this entirely other family that they're supposed to have, but don't. We have been called to be the BODY of Christ, but that's awfully hard to do when you can barely manage to get people in the same place at the same time.

Anyways. I'm frustrated. Thanks for letting me vent....

Can you feel it?

Did you feel the change? Did you?!?

I know the official first day of fall, according to the calendar, is still several weeks away. But, according to my expert opinion, the first day was earlier this week - on Tuesday.

Several years ago, I became aware of the shift in the weather that occurs as summer releases its hold and fall is allowed to creep in - and I've been able to observe it every year since. The wind blows the strongest during the spring, but it blows a little in the fall, as well. We were enjoying hot, still summer days until Tuesday. Out of the blue, it was crazy windy. Did you notice? And now, if you are still, you can feel that there's a decided change in the air. It's crisp. There's a sharpness that wasn't there before. You can especially feel it in the mornings and evenings, when the heat of the day is not quite so intense.

Aagh...fall! It's my favorite time of year. I'm praying this year it'll be a few weeks longer than normal, because it's always over far too soon.

Fae...do you think Starbucks would go ahead and make a few pumpkin spice lattes for us just a few weeks early, or will we have to wait?

SARAH - Big & Brave

Our usual Sunday morning routine goes something like this:

1) Roll out of bed as late as possible - which means about 6:45, since Owen isn't allowed out of bed until 7:00.

2) Get the boys fed, dressed and ready to leave for church.

3) Get Zach fed, dressed and ready to leave for church.

4) I throw clothes on and toss everything else I need in a bag so I can put myself together at my parents' house.

5) Drop Zach off at church so he can do music practice until it's time for services to begin.

6) While Zach is busy with that, the boys and I go to my parents' house to hang out/get ready/etc until it's time to go back to church.

Since I'm the mom and the driver, I get to choose the route the boys and I take from Edgewood to Moriarty. During the summer, I insist on Dinkle Road. Once you pass the squatty trailers and other small-town stuff, you get to the most amazing farmland. I don't know what it is, but the sight of all those sunflowers, wild grasses and tasseled corn fields sets my heart to swooning. It's beautiful! Takes me back to childhood days of exploring country roads with my brother and sister on our bicycles. We pretended to be the Dukes of Hazard--I was Daisy.

Anyways.

On our way back to church yesterday, I spotted a snake sunning itself on the other side of the road. Since we had plenty of time before church was going to start (and because I figured the boys would think it was cool), I decided we should turn around to check and see if it was a rattler. I told the boys that if it was a bull snake, we were going to leave it alone, but that if it was a rattler we'd run over it. It was a big, 'ol rattler. Darn it.

As a side note, you should probably know that I have a fairly big problem with dead things. They creep me out. Coming across a dead bird in the yard, attending a funeral, it really doesn't matter. It makes me uncomfortable - I really don't like dead things.

Being the ferocious, protective Momma Bear that I am, though, I've often thought about situations in which I'd have to kill a snake in order to keep my boys safe. I know my mom has had to do it, with a shovel, no less. She's one tough lady, but surely I could do the same. So, I felt pretty fortunate that my first run-in with a snake was going down with me behind the wheels of nearly two tons of steel.

Ha! Succumb to my rubber, vile creature!

I backed up the car, took a deep breath, and hit the gas. I was TOTALLY unprepared for actually feeling and hearing the THUMP THUMP of the tires going over the snake. Ugh! (Shudder!) The little fuzzy hairs on the back of my neck stood at attention and, when I checked my side-view mirror and saw it flip, flop and flail its way off into the grass, a huge chill ran down my spine. I forgot about that part. Ick. Did I mention that dead things bother me? Well, dead things that can still move bother me even more.

My smarty-pants Caleb insisted that since it moved off into the grass it wasn't dead.

Caleb: "Mom missed it."

Mom: "No, Caleb, we most certainly did hit it - didn't you feel the THUMP THUMP?"

I had to explain to him how some things can still move a little, even after they're dead. I think he was equally as grossed out, because he didn't accost me with his usual barrage of follow-up questions.

Anyways.

The experience probably could have been trivial, but not for me. I was super-brave driving my big, 'ol car over that yucky snake. Since it unnerved me so, I'm not feeling quite so capable if I ever have to face one without 2 feet of ground clearance and an entire SUV between us. I think I may change my strategy. No more daydreams of shovel-wielding grandeur for me. No way, Jose. I think the boys and I will just run and hide. From here on out, taking care of snakes is most definitely a daddy job.

(Thank God for daddies!)

"Nesting" with my BFF

Ever the enterprising entrepreneurs, Faerl and I are once again up to either no good or lots of good, depending on your outlook. Either way, we're having tons of fun! Faerl found a fun shop in town that is, basically, an indoor flea market. We've often dreamed of having a home decor, re-sale type shop of our own. She saw this market as a very fortuitous way for us to dip our toes into the world of shop ownership without actually taking on all of the major overhead expenses and things that complicate business. So, we've rented a 10x10 foot space, we're calling it nest and we're going to stock it on August 2nd! As usual, our vision and aspirations are far above and beyond the Average Joe's, but we wouldn't have it any other way. Hopefully, it will result in making a great and lasting impression with customers! We've been scouring garage sales, digging through bins (haven't quite resorted to dumpster diving yet, but if there's something cute down there, I can't guarantee it won't happen), shopping clearance racks, re-finishing, re-furbishing and having a great time - all in the name of building up our inventory! Our basket has, indeed, been blessed thus far and we're really praying that God will bless the fruit of our labor.

Yesterday was the first chance we've had to really set everything out in one spot to look it over and start sorting things out. My den was a disaster, but all of our things felt so cohesive, wonderful and cozy! I have a feeling this nest will be quite comfortable! We couldn't resist taking some pictures...


PS - I love you, Fae Mae! You're such an amazing friend! Thank you for being such an ever present source of strength and encouragement.

Moo?

Through trial and error, I've come to be about 90% sure that Nathan has a sensitivity to the protein in dairy products. He's got lots of the symptoms - congestion, stuffiness, constipation, gas... Poor baby! The only way to remedy these complaints is to remove all the dairy from my system. It's a surprisingly long process before he'll see the benefits (close to three weeks), but if it helps him feel better then it'll definitely be worth the effort.

But, I have one question. How in the world do you not eat any dairy? I've been on the equivalent of a see-food diet pretty much all my life: If I see it and I want it, I eat it! Besides the fact that cheese, yogurt, milk, ice cream (etc) all fall fairly high on the list of my favorites, it seems like there's dairy in just about everything!

So, seriously, how do I do this? I'm perusing the internet for ideas, but if you have any words of wisdom, I'd really appreciate your help!

Nathan's little insides thank you...

On the Run

Yippie! I'm running again! Well, maybe not this week. Besides the fact that Zach is out of town and therefore it's impossible to get out of the house sans boys, it's been 100(ish) degrees all week long. Ugh! Yes, I run, but only in fair weather. Anyways. I've been able to sneak out about 3 times so far (post baby) and I've done pretty well. It's been encouraging. My goal is to run the 5k at the Duke City Marathon in October. I know I'll be able to do it. I doubt I'll do it quickly, but whatever. Who ever said that running had to be done quickly?

Besides the heat, there have only been two real obstacles, thus far, to my running this summer:

1) SMALL EARS. That's right. If you've never noticed, it's probably because they're so small that you missed them entirely. How does this inhibit running? Well, they definitely don't catch drag, so that's a plus! But, I have a darn hard time keeping my ear buds in when I run. They're all too big. I thought I figured out a solution when I decided I'd just buy a set of kid sized ear buds. But, they don't make ear buds for kids! Darn it. (I guess it really would be a bad idea to encourage kids to shove things in their ears. More on that subject, here.) But, I did finally find a set of buds that comes with an extra small pair. It works! I still have to jam them in, which isn't super comfortable, but such is the price you pay for being born with teeny ears, I guess.

2) TIRED MUSIC. I can't run without music. It's just too stinkin' boring. I have a playlist of songs that I used all last summer (before I was pregnant) that helped push me onwards. But, I'm not sure if I can listen to any of those songs even once more. I've gotten to where I actually cringe when I hear them beginning to play. And some of them were good songs, too. I need some new music - bad! Does anyone have any good suggestions for some motivating music that'll help get me in the mood to pound some pavement? I'd really appreciate it!!!

Anna = Nurse

nurse

  /nɜrs/ Show Spelled [nurs] noun, verbnursed

As a noun...

1. a person formally educated and trained in the care of the sick or infirm.

2. any fostering agency or influence.

Yes, Anna is a nurse, but, at the same time, she's so much more. It's not just what she IS, it's what she DOES.

As a verb...

1. to tend or minister to in sickness, infirmity, etc.

2. to try to cure by taking care.

3. to look after carefully so as to promote development; foster; cherish.

But even yet, it's so much more. It goes farther, still. It's not even who she is or what she does. It's HOW she does it.

She tends to others, consistently and tirelessly putting them and their needs before her own.

She ministers to souls. Ushering them through life's most significant and memorable events - be they ones of immeasurable joy or profound sorrow.

She anticipates. She empathizes. She pours herself out. She prays.

I pray that you, Dear Anna, have at least some small idea of how far your touch of love, compassion and healing has reached. It is breathtaking.

I love you, Sister. Happy Nurses' Day!

Words (for a mom and dad) To Live By

Last night, at Caleb's end-of-the-year music performance, his chapel teacher said something that really rang true:

"Raising kids
takes lots of
really long days
and just a few
very short years."

Not so easy to remember in the middle of all those long days, but it's true. It's passing in the blink of an eye...and I don't want it to. Just a reminder to cherish every moment...

Love is a Verb

In the wee hours of last night, during a night-time feeding, while my arms cradled sweet Nathan, my brain was busy with the following thought:

Love is a verb.

Yes, I know it can also be a noun. But, love as a verb...now, that's something to think about. A verb typically expresses action, state, or relation between two things. Paramount, in my mind, is the fact that a verb requires action. When we think about God being love, we usually think of Him in the noun form. He, she, it...a noun. But, God's character and nature are revealed most clearly in His expression - in the action He took to pour love out (Himself out) upon and for His creation.

So, when we are commanded to "Love one another..." it suddenly isn't enough to 'be in a state of having loving feelings towards others'. I know that's typically my response, especially towards the not-so-lovely. Isn't it enough that I be polite and kind? After all, if I'm not acting out in hate, then doesn't that mean that, by default, I'm walking in love? I don't think so. We are commanded to LOVE. What does our response look like? Assuming our obedience to God's direction for our lives, if we were commanded to run, there would be a real, measurable response to that command. Is it the same with the command to love? Is our response quantifiable? Is it enough?

God's action of love looked like blood spilled out for people who couldn't have cared less. It looked like ultimate sacrifice. What does my love look like? Pretty pale, luke-warm and watered down in comparison to the example that God has set for us.

Blogging Blahs

I'd apologize for my lack of posting, but...I'm not gonna. Yes, I've been busy, but not really any busier than any other time in life. Truth is, I just haven't felt like blogging.

Lately, Zach and I have both been marveling at (and lamenting) this phenomena that has slowly but surely developed over the last several years - a consuming absorption with "self". Texting, tweeting, facebook-ing, blogging... All means of sharing your information and your life, but without any real obligation to truly connect or to participate in any sort of meaningful dialog. Of course you can choose to connect, but it's still somewhat superficial and on your terms - only with the people you deem worthy and worthwhile. Where's the reaching out? Where's the relationship? Where's the "us" and the "we"?

Of course, I'm just as guilty as the next. I blog. I have a facebook page - although I really hate logging on and do it as in-frequently as possible. Why do I hate logging on? Because I don't want to chat. I want to talk to people when it's convenient for me, not when they catch me. Just another example of the all important "self". What am I going to do to change this truly yucky behavior that I find in myself? I'm not sure. But, something needs to be done.

What about you? What do you think?

We Are Living in a Technological World & I Am a Textile Girl

(In case you missed it, the title is supposed to be sung to the tune of Madonna's Material Girl. So, go ahead...sing it!)

I just counted and I am heading into my 9th tax season (or busy season, as they/we refer to it in the biz). It makes me feel old. Although, when I think about it, it's really not that big a number. It's just that the preparation methods and procedures have changed so drastically since I started. I feel like an old dog and I don't want to learn any new tricks, thank-you-very-much. I wish technology would just leave the profession well enough alone and go pick on someone else. It makes me wonder how the guys that have been doing this 20, 30 and 40 years feel. Yikes.

I know my resistance to the change is because I'm a highly hands-on kind of girl. I like feeling the papers, sorting the papers, putting them in order, making my marks on them. But no more. Now it's all paperless. (Although, for the record, I think we use almost as much as before.) Scanned documents, pdf files, software that scans documents and puts the information in the return all by itself. The only problem is that it can't do it right and never will. There are always mistakes. So, rather than preparing taxes I'm babysitting a software package - just following it around and cleaning up its messes. How is that making things any more efficient or effective? Plus, it feels like all the processes take so much stinkin' longer than they used to that what we save in paper (or whatever) is eaten up just as quickly by what we lose in time. Maybe. Who knows. All I know is that it feels cumbersome. It feels disconnected and remote and I don't like it.

Bucket List, Revisited

In March 2008, I started a list of things I'd like to accomplish, but I didn't give myself any sort of timeline. Here we are, two years later, and some of them are done, others are still in the cue. I figure it's time to review the list. Revise. Revamp. Revisit the list - see where I've been and have yet to go...

1. Finish my book on Christian childbirth and have it published. Not done yet. Not even close, to be honest. I have been able to hone in a little better on my specific objectives and how I'd like to get there. This one, though, is going to take some time. I'm hoping I can work on it more and more once the boys don't need quite so much of my attention.

2. Get my nose pierced. Been there, done that! It was fun while it lasted, but it didn't last long. Through no fault of my own, it never quite healed right and Zach finally admitted that it got in the way anyways. Oh well. I guess there'll be no long-term nose ring for me. (That's okay!)

3. Have a daughter. (Or, if another amazing boy is in my future, be the darn coolest Auntie a little girl could ever have!) Or, as it turns out, another son. I guess I'll have to start shifting gears into awesome-Auntie mode. In the mean time, it couldn't hurt to learn how to make farting noises with my underarms, how to whistle super loud (preferably w/o fingers in the mouth) and how to burp my ABC's. After all, these skills could come in pretty handy in my quest to become a super-cool-mom-to-three-boys.

4. Learn to really like eating broccoli. (I've already taught myself to like bananas and tomatoes!) Broccoli is still nowhere near being classified as a favorite, but I think I'm close enough that I can call this one done. Besides, I'd better like it, because we're going to have to start having it several times a week, as it's one of the few veggies the boys will actually eat w/o major coaxing. What a weird veggie for them to choose, I think!

5. Become a licensed childbirth educator. This is most definitely going to stay on the list. As with other things, though, it's just going to have to wait until I have more time. Sigh...

6. Learn how to dance. I know my precious Hubby will be game for this, I just need to find a class and sign us up. It might be a challenge keeping up with him, though, that guy can really move! (And usually with significantly more grace and style than I can, darn it.)

7. Learn how to make all sorts of amazing ethnic (especially Asian and Indian) foods. I've definitely expanded my repertoire, but wouldn't call this done. But I can made a mean chicken curry! Mmm...

8. Travel. This one definitely isn't finished or even really started, for that matter. In the last two years, I think Zach and I have managed one camping trip and one weekend run to Durango. I don't think those are going to count. I'm a bit sad and embarrassed to admit that it's getting close to being a decade since I've even stepped foot on a plane. Sigh. When I say travel, I mean travel. Like get-a-passport, travel. That'll have to wait for sure. In the mean time, maybe a REAL vacation to some state other than one immediately neighboring? Sounds good to me!

9. Do something really brave...something that takes a lot of courage. On our trip to Durango, I went mountain bike riding with Zach for the first (and so far only) time. Most people wouldn't call this adventurous or necessitating bravery. For me, though, it was HUGE. I was honestly petrified the entire time. I think that took some courage, thank-you-very-much.

10. Learn how to swim. (That's right, folks. I can float, but definitely not with any style or finesse.) Still undone. And, while I'm at it, I should probably add swimming lessons for the boys, too. Lord knows I don't want them to suffer the same water-phobic fate as their Momma!

11. Get into shape so that I can run more than one mile at a time. Did it, but now that I'm pregnant I'll have to do it all over again. Last summer I could run several miles pretty comfortably. Not fast, mind you, but who cares? So, I think I'll up this goal to actually running in a 5k sometime. If I'm really ambitious maybe I could shoot for the Duke City in October 2010? After that, maybe I could try a half marathon some day? I think it'd be fun. We'll see...

12. Have my hair cut really, really short. (I've done really short before, but never SUPER short. I'm going to have to give it a try, or else I'll always wonder...) Done! It grows so fast that it's longish again now, but I did it! Practically a buzz cut! I definitely won't go there again, a bit too masculine for my taste. But I will always love a good, short 'do. There's something that feels SO amazing about lying your head down on your pillow at night and not having hair wrapped around your face. And the wash-'n-go aspect...who could ask for more?

Recap: 6 out of 12 done in almost two years? I have to admit I'm not super satisfied with a 50% rate of accomplishment. In other areas of life, this would definitely not be acceptable. All things considered, though, (having babies, raising kids, working a number of odd jobs) I think I'm okay with this. One of the best things I've found about getting older is becoming a bit more realistic in my expectations.

So, now that I've managed to cross a few things off, I'd like to add some new To Do's to my list. I'm going to have to think on it for a while. Any suggestions?

What am I doing?

I always look forward to new things. New years, new adventures, new beginnings. A time to start fresh. This year I've felt a little funny about resolutions, though. I haven't made any, because it feels a bit pointless. The usuals just don't apply this year.

1. Lose weight. I've actually thought about this one. I could set a pretty lofty goal. Say 30 pounds. It's not like I have to lose it right NOW. As long as I accomplish it by the end of the year then I can consider it a success, right? So who cares if I drop about 20 of those pounds within the span of a few days!

2. Eat better. This one is always good and it definitely does apply, especially while pregnant. However, I think I'm just a little too much of a realist to take it seriously right now. I'm a crazy-busy mom of 2.6 kids (I figure 24 weeks out of 40 is about 60% or a kid, right?) and I'm fixing to start tax season. If I don't have time to do any better than a drive through burger, that's what it's going to be. Thankfully, Owen is living proof that beautiful babies can be grown despite the occasional (or not so occasional, if I'm really honest) corn dog.

3. Get more exercise. Considering the fact that lately it feels like my poor body has got it's work cut out for it just managing to not fall completely apart during this pregnancy, I really don't think I'm going to push it. I'm just going to start picturing dumbbells in my hands every time I heave Owen in and out of the car, the crib, etc. (Don't get me wrong, though, the second I can find my feet again and actually reach them well enough to get my running shoes tied, this girl's hitting the pavement!)

Just because I haven't been able to officially "resolve" to do anything new, though, that doesn't mean my behavior hasn't changed in the last week. I'm definitely going through a phase, but I haven't decided if it's nesting or purging. It's really too darn early to be doing the stereotypical "nesting" that mommies do while preparing for the arrival of a new baby. But, I'm really not fond of the word "purging". It makes me want to, well, purge. (Excuse me.)

So, as I continue to empty closets and reorganize drawers in the name of order and tidiness, I think I'll focus on the nesting part. After all, I just love a good nest!


nest –noun
1. a pocketlike, usually more or less circular structure of twigs, grass, mud, etc., formed by a bird, often high in a tree, as a place in which to lay and incubate its eggs and rear its young; any protected place used by a bird for these purposes.
2. a place used by insects, fishes, turtles, rabbits, etc., for depositing their eggs or young.
3. a number of birds, insects, animals, etc., inhabiting one such place.
4. a snug retreat or refuge; resting place; home.
5. an assemblage of things lying or set close together, as a series of boxes or trays, that fit within each other: a nest of tables.

Could you sleep?

As is usual during the holiday season, our mailbox has been inundated with catalogs. I rarely bother to look, because I'd rather skip most of that aspect of the season. When Patagonia came, though, I couldn't help but flip through because theirs is usually pretty interesting.

This picture was my favorite:


I think Zach is crazy for enjoying rock climbing as much as he does. Pulled muscles, injured tendons, major blisters, stiff joints, callouses on top of callouses... Not my idea of fun, but he loves it. Thankfully, though, he was sane enough to agree that those guys are completely out of their minds!